Soul Love – Core Values


Around me swirls the storm
In the eye
I am
I feel
I observe
myself doing

a whisper reaches
my being
thoughts of anguish
longing
to find my forgetting
secret of
who I am

In my wounds
in my laughter
in my yearning
in my loving
lies scattered
pieces
of the jewel
of my being

Always the wisps of a melody
from the core
calls me
haunts me
with melancholic
longing
to go home
into the warm
embrace of my
Beloved

One of my favourite quotes, “Behold the tortoise, it makes progress when it sticks its neck out”, is for me a perfect symbolism how I personally interact with the world. In my comfort zone, I would like to observe the world from the solitude of my my shell. What lures me out of my shell is my curiosity, my longing to interact with my fellow human beings. From my core issues a yearning to express my voice in the world, for someone to hear my words, and say I too feel your words.

Finding our core selves and finding our “True Love”, is much the same. When you find soul love, it is not as if you find your missing half, but rather that you remember your own wholeness. It is a reciprocal sensuous dance of joyfully expressing your being. Laying yourself bare to another, and in the sharing of the revealing both reach to their forgotten core in the shadows of their knowing, to find a treasure more wondrous than they could have imagined. One they offer in sacredness both to each other and to themselves.

To be able to interact with authenticity and passion in the world, we must know our core values. Knowing your core values is knowing your boundaries and your personal melody.

Everyone has a unique set of inner values and, even if you’re not sure what they are, they will define and shape every aspect of your life. Values are linked to personal identity.”, says life coach Eileen Mulligan. So losing sight of them is really losing sight of who you are.

Core values relates in spiritual terms to soul issues. Eileen Mullingan also says, “ … asking people to list their values is unhelpful because they operate at a deep semi-conscious level. Many of us don’t know what ours really are.”

So it is with matters of the soul. The soul speaks a different language to our conscious ego-self. Take for example the aspect of career.

If the soul suggests the work of a psychotherapist, for example, it’s only because this would be a setting for the soul’s real work. The soul’s interest is not psychotherapy itself. Rather, it might be carrying a sacred chalice, in one case, or weaving cocoons, in another. That’s what the soul desires. It might settle for the ego believing its destiny is the practice of psychotherapy per se only if it can’t get the ego to understand something deeper, something wilder. The soul will let the ego choose psychotherapy until the ego can understand the soul’s desire more directly. (The soul’s desire is the same as the ego’s destiny). Like a wildcat waiting in the shadows, when the soul spies an opening in the ego’s armor that ‘protects’ it from its own destiny, it will pounce.” Bill Plotkin

With soul matters there is always another layer, and deeper to go. Most of the time we have to learn the hard way to come to know the soul’s desires, through life changing events. The soul’s most favourite trick must be romantic love, for nothing makes us reach deeper inside ourselves than love. The ego will stand aside for love and listen to the soul, even if it is not for long, but it is always long enough to open a secret part of ourselves. In deep lasting soul love relationships, a radical conversations between souls continues to reveal our core-selves.

We will prevent a lot of heart ache by getting to know our core values. I found some useful methods in an article by Emma Cook – Discovery Channels – in Psychologies October 2005

Think about 3 peak moments in your life – those times when you’ve felt happiest. What was it that made you feel so elated? It may be that getting your first business contract made you feel autonomous, as if you were creating your own destiny. See if these themes are echoed in your other key memories – if so, they are core values.

Now think of three moments that did the opposite – times when you felt overlooked and rejected. Why did those moments make you feel like that? Your answers should directly oppose your true values. For example, if you were bullied by your boss, you may have felt suppressed. So your core value could be freedom.

Make a list of 10 people you most admire – from a famous historical leader to a celebrity or a neighbour. List the traits you most admire under each name and, where possible, give examples. Again, you should discover that certain themes and traits emerge, and these will indicate core values.

Then there are emotions you would rather avoid – rejection, anger, frustration, loneliness, depression, failure, humiliation, guilt, and abandonment, “You can only live your core values if you confront your fears, those emotions you would rather avoid. If not, your energies will always be directed towards avoidance (denying self) rather than fulfilment (being your true self). You can only fulfil your core values by taking emotional risks, which means confronting those feelings you’re rather avoid.” – Francine Kaye – Time to Live

As above so below.

This applies to every aspect of our lives, including finding and living soul love. You could find your soul love but reject the precious gift because you are afraid to take the emotional risks. You can avoid confronting and owing up to your soul’s call, but not for ever. Sooner or later you have to be still and listen.

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