Are the female and male very different?


In response to a question;

 “When love is flowing in a women with a feminine essence, then her core seems to be fulfilled. It is her ground.

This is not the case, in my opinion, with a male that has a masculine sexual essence. If this type of male’s mission or purpose outside of a loving relationship is not going well, he will be distracted and uneasy. Purpose drives a male with a masculine sexual essence.

Women’s core is fulfilled by love, for men it is not. A man’s core is filled by alignment of his life with his purpose or mission. Intimacy is something to have in addition to your purpose not your purpose.”
David Deida

I remember as a teenager I heard the quote, “To men love is part of life, to women love is life.”

The quote struck me then as being unfair. How, I asked myself, will I as a woman then ever find a man who loves me equally? Will I as a woman then not always feel insecure in some way? How will I know that the man I love will not leave me for his purpose if he feels his purpose will be better served without me?

When absorbed in his purpose intimacy is often not even thought about. A man will gravitate toward a women who will support his purpose or mission… he will be attracted to women who he feels will support that effort. “

I have indeed found this to be true with a male with masculine sexual essence. I have also found that corollary is true too. That a female with feminine sexual essence will be attracted to the man whose purpose and vision she feels she can support. However, things are not quite so clear-cut in the world in which we live today. Several new external factors now influence the relationship between masculine and feminine.

Since the advent of the industrial revolution a radical change happened in how we view and value the world. Everything became measured in terms of economic value – how much are you worth? This perhaps more than anything changed the intrinsic value of both masculine and feminine. Before the industrial revolution women were valued for being women. Yes, women did not have nearly as many rights as they have today but they were valued. For men too things changed. Although men also have more individual rights today, and certainly the right of choice as to what their purpose are, how much money a man can make has become more important than the purpose he may feel. Although in past we had less choice and less rights we have become more amorphous in purpose – to make money to buy all the things we are told we need. I speak generally of course, and relating to the general consumerist culture.

So now we have a dilemma for both genders. Intrinsically our basic natures and desires have not changed since mankind first became conscious but our strongest influence today – the Media – paints a different picture. Individual purpose and vision has become obscured by how much money you earn, and what you own. For the man and woman looking for a common purpose and vision in one another, this is no longer an easy assessment to make. Most people today holds a job that does not reflect their purpose or vision for example, it is purely the best means they can see of how to make money. To complicate things even more, the generalization and globalization brought about by the consumerist culture and propagated by the Media have left most people not knowing what it is they really want or desire.

To have a truly soulful relationship, you must know your own soul’s purpose, if you do not know what it is, relationships will be very much a hit-and-run affair. You may think that someone of the opposite sex embodies the same purpose and vision as you do, but of most of the time neither actually knows what their true purpose or vision is. The relationship then has a very superficial basis to begin with built on the shifting sands of illusion as such. So that what happens in most relationships today is not so much a falling out of love but a falling out of vision and purpose.

For both men and women today there is very much an emphasis in the pop-culture to discover yourself when you feel depressed or generally unhappy. “Find your purpose and vision.” Whereas in the past people had a very clear life-purpose and mission, today what we think our life-purpose or mission is, may change several times in our life time.

A man will gravitate toward a women who will support his purpose or mission… he will be attracted to women who he feels will support that effort. “

If you now look at this statement you can see that whereas in the past this fact was a basis for a stable long-lasting relationship, today it is the basis for a short lived relationship.

Without a deep and loving intimacy- with you or with the divine-she hurts. It will never work for her to try and quell the pain by absorbing herself in her career, her art, or her friends. If she has a feminine essence, she must honor herself by owning her deep desire for the flow of love in her heart…” ( David Deida)

True for women the need for intimacy with either the divine or masculine is a basic need as much as the air we breathe, for both our happiness and wellness. A woman does not feel fulfilled without it. However, through the prevailing culture many women no longer have an intimate relationship with the divine or the masculine, and are encouraged to try and quell the pain by doing exactly that – by absorbing herself in her career, her art, or her friends. In today’s world a woman can no longer just cleave to a man’s vision and purpose for she herself must be a breadwinner. This has brought about a major change in for the basic feminine essence, whereas in the past the feminine essence had a supporting, nurturing and inspiring role, she now has to also take on a masculine role, she too has to become absorbed in her purpose in order to be valued in a consumerist culture and often forgo or ignore her need for intimacy in order to fulfill her purpose or mission.

Is it any wonder then that relationships are experiencing such crisis? However, I believe it is not as negative as it looks, we cannot go back to what was, nor do we want to, for the human being is a transitional being not only in this time and place but as central to our purpose. We stand between heaven and earth, between nature/the animal kingdom and the divine, between human intelligence and divine intelligence, between bestial humanity and divinity or super humanity. We can no longer look to the past for the basis of an ideal relationship, we must look to the archetypal divine relationships for the ideal relationship.

For the feminine essence to find the masculine essence, she can surrender to, she must know her own purpose and mission. For the masculine essence to find his feminine counterpart he must indeed know his true individual purpose and mission to be attracted to right woman. We must learn not be afraid to stand in our individuality for only then can we attract those closest to our purpose and mission.

When a flower is visible it is beautiful. A flower does not say “I am better than’, nor does it say ‘I am less than’. Flowers are true to themselves and stand as visibly as they can.”

Having said that, however, I must also add that each relationship we have also presents us with the opportunity to reveal our true purpose and mission if we do not blame the other, when it fails.

Yes, the male and female are very different but we have a common purpose and common mission, and we spring from the same core.

Think Global, Act Local.
Think Eternal, Act Now.

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