“Don’t promise me forever. Promise me now, because that is all either of us can do. And now, becomes tomorrow, and tomorrow becomes years, You won’t have broken your promise. Promise me for now, I hope with all my heart that now will last forever.” Kayla Sullivan
Once a man was “unfaithful” to me. He was honest enough to tell me, which I respected. At that moment he felt he was acting irrationally, in need of the warmth and comfort of a woman. Intellectually I understood the why, but emotionally I felt deeply hurt. Could I trust him again? I thought I could, certainly with other women. But later I realised that from that moment on I did not trust him with my emotions anymore.
Upon discovering this I felt a need to really look at trust and what it means to me. Logically why should we feel so deceived and hurt when our partner is “unfaithful”? Is it just traditional conditioning? Would unconditional love not imply that that you love the other no matter what. There are obviously real concerns about your partner having sexual intercourse with another, such as unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted disease. So my first question to him was: “Did you use a condom? ” But apart from that why should I felt so hurt? We are adults, we know that none of us are perfect as yet, and sometimes we all act irrationally? Do things we regret later. But so we learn by our mistakes.
If you were immortal could you promise to another person that you would never want to be with another? The myths abound with tales of the gods’ indiscretions. Although we may all give lip service to forgiveness, how many can truly forgive? That is to trust as though our trust were never broken?
Just what is trust? Trust – Firm belief in reliability, honesty, veracity, justice, and strength of person or thing. Firm belief in reliability – what is it to be reliable? Of sound and consistent character or quality. That would imply that you trust that the person in question will never change. His or her perceptions will never change. How can you be consistent when you are always growing and changing? Life is change. Death is certainty; life is insecure. Yet, we long to trust. Life is change, yet each time we experience change we consciously or subconsciously experience the feeling of trust broken.
Whimsical trust is what our lives are based on. Without it the world would be in chaos. We organise ourselves because we believe there will be a tomorrow, otherwise we might as well just enjoy the moment.
“Sarte said that every promise is going to be false. You cannot promise because you are not whole. Just a part of you promises, and when the part is no more there on the throne and another part has taken over, what are you going to do? Who will fulfil the promise? Hypocrisy is born because when you go on trying to fulfil, pretending that you are fulfilling, then everything becomes false…” Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh
There are some that say that you can only trust yourself, but can you? Who has not disappointed themselves? Trust is based on expectation. We expect a certain person to act so and so. We expect… and when our expectations are not met we feel that our trust is broken. Yet we are almost guaranteed not to have our expectations met. If the world were exactly as we expected it to be, what would we learn? Would a world that is exactly as you expect it to be not be boring? So what can I actually trust in?
For me trust is a deep feeling of inner security. Through my experiences in the world I have learnt to trust that no matter what curved balls I am thrown, I will progress. I will find the inner strength to meet the challenges that I am faced with. I can’t live my life in fear that something bad might happen, then I would cut myself off from enjoying life to the fullest. In love it is the same, I will give my love fearlessly. If pain happens through my loving then I will deal with it when it comes. I will not cut myself off from love in fear of some future possible hurt.
I had to go to a remote farm once as part of a job I was doing. It was sunset by the time I was making my return journey. Before me and behind me I could just see thick thorn bush veldt. No sign of any civilisation as far as I could see. Just as it was getting dark the vehicle I was travelling in, broke down. I sat there thinking” what am I going to do? “There was no way I could fix it and I had no form communication either. I could hail down some passing traffic but that on that particular road, for a woman alone, it would be dangerous. I recalled all the horrendous stories I have heard and I became very afraid. Perhaps some of the other crew will come looking for me, but after a couple of hours of waiting I knew that was not going to happen. They would only look for me in the morning. As I was contemplating my options I saw a truck go by and then stop and reverse back towards me. Two big rough looking guys got out of truck and I thought to myself:” That’s it my time has come. ” All I could possibly hope of doing was just to run, but it was too late all ready for that and I grabbed something I thought I could use as a weapon. ‘”I will not go down without a fight.” I suddenly felt what one could call a “deathly calmness”. They asked whether I needed help and tried to fix the vehicle, then offered to tow me all the way back to the Hotel. I got into the truck with them and I felt tinges of fear pop up, but my fear was totally unfounded. These two men did tow my vehicle all the way back and would accept no reimbursement for their trouble and fuel. That day my trust was greatly restored in humanity.