Trust


Wim Lassche

Don’t promise me forever. Promise me now, because that is all either of us can do. And now, becomes tomorrow, and tomorrow becomes years, You won’t have broken your promise. Promise me for now, I hope with all my heart that now will last forever.” Kayla Sullivan

I have felt myself deceived many times. When you first realize that your trust has been broken, it feels like an ice-cold stab in the heart, which slowly spreads through your unbelieving mind, your world thrown into chaos, believes shattered. But I have picked myself up, shook of the humbling dust, a lot wiser. I have been able to forgive, and have even felt grateful for the lesson I was taught, which saved me from bigger disasters. I have not lost my trust; my trust has grown in depth. From what I have experienced in my life, I know that I will find my way out of chaos, my supply of ideas are limitless, and out of that chaos you can rise with more trust, more understanding, and with a greater ability and capacity for love. The deeper your ability to trust, the deeper your ability to love.

Logically, why should we feel so deceived and hurt when our partner is “unfaithful”? Is it just traditional conditioning? Would unconditional love not imply that you love the other no matter what? There are obviously real concerns about your partner having sexual intercourse with another, such as unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted disease. Apart from that why should we feel so hurt? We are adults, we know that none of us are perfect, and sometimes we all act irrationally and do things we regret later. We learn after all by our mistakes.

If you were immortal could you promise to another person that you would never want to be with another? The myths abound with tales of the gods’ indiscretions. Although we may all give lip service to forgiveness, how many can truly forgive?

Just what is trust? Trust – Firm belief in reliability, honesty, veracity, justice, and strength of person or thing. Firm belief in reliability – what is it to be reliable? Of sound and consistent character or quality. That would imply that you trust that the person in question will never change. His or her perceptions will never change. How can you be consistent when you are always growing and changing? Life is change. Death is certainty; life is insecure.

Yet, we long to trust. Life is change, yet each time we experience change we consciously or subconsciously experience the feeling of trust broken.

Whimsical trust is what our lives are based on. Without it the world would be in chaos. We organize ourselves because we believe there will be a tomorrow, otherwise we might as well just enjoy the moment.

Sarte once said that every promise is going to be false. You cannot promise because you are not whole. Just a part of you can promise, and when that part is no more there on the throne and another part has taken over, what are you going to do? Who will fulfill the promise? Hypocrisy is born because when you go on trying to fulfill, pretending that you are fulfilling, then everything becomes false…” Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh

There are some that say that you can only trust yourself, but can you? Who has not disappointed themselves? Trust is based on expectation. We expect a certain person to act in a certain way. We expect… and when our expectations are not met we feel that our trust is broken. Yet we are almost guaranteed not to have our expectations met. If the world were exactly as we expected it to be, there would be no free will and what would we learn? Would a world that is exactly as you expect it to be not be boring? So what can I actually trust in?

For me trust is a deep feeling of inner security. Through my experiences in the world I have learnt to trust that no matter what curved balls I am thrown, I will progress. I will find the inner strength to meet the challenges that I am faced with. I can’t live my life in fear that something bad might happen, then I would cut myself off from enjoying life to the fullest. In love it is the same, I will give my love fearlessly. If pain happens through my loving then I will deal with it when it comes. I will not cut myself off from love in fear of some future possible hurt.

I had to go to a remote farm once as part of a job I was doing. It was sunset by the time I was making my return journey. All that stretched before me and behind me was thick thorn bush veldt. No sign of any civilization as far as I could see. Just as it was getting dark the vehicle I was travelling in, broke down. I sat there thinking” what am I going to do? “There was no way I could fix it and I had no form communication either.(No cell phone) I could hail down some passing traffic but on that particular road, for a woman alone, it would be dangerous. I recalled all the horrendous stories I have heard and I became very afraid. Perhaps some of the other crew will come looking for me, but after a couple of hours of waiting I knew that was not going to happen. They would only look for me in the morning. As I was contemplating my options I saw a truck go by and then stop and reverse back towards me. Two big rough looking guys got out of truck and I thought to myself:” That’s it, my time has come. “ All I could possibly hope of doing was just to run, but it was too late all ready for that and I grabbed something I thought I could use as a weapon. ‘”I will not go down without a fight.” I suddenly felt what one could call a “deathly calmness”. They asked whether I needed help and tried to fix the vehicle, then offered to tow me all the way back to the Hotel. I got into the truck with them and I felt twinges of fear pop up inside me. My fear was totally unfounded. These two men did not only tow my vehicle all the way back but also refused to accept any reimbursement for their trouble and fuel. That day my trust was greatly restored in humanity.

It is all about trust really. In reality nothing is for certain. We walk a thin line between chaos and stability. We are afraid of chaos because we fear we will loose our way. We are afraid of feeling lost. We do not trust our inner guidance. We ironically believe that it is the outer guidance that will show us the way. Without trust there is no love. It is out of the bedrock of trust that love grows and blossoms into its all-encompassing splendour. But before you can trust, you have to trust yourself.

Trust is taught through patience. I used to feel an inner irritation when I heard St. Augustine’s “The reward of patience is patience. What kind of reward is that?

The San had a as part of their wedding rituals a test; if the man failed the test, he would be banished from the tribe.

“The old people’s biggest responsibility was, never to let their eyes tire, of observing the boys … and to look how they walk from the moment they begin to walk. The boy-child that starts the path bent, – throw thorns in the path of other children – will not walk a straight path when he is an adult. The boy that shows he will be a great hunter is the man that will be a good husband for a woman. He is a man with the power of not being hasty … he has the power of the long wait.

“Patience?”

The power that comes from the long wait, until the buck is closes enough for his arrow. And he is the man who has the power in his heart not to break the great law of marriage during the first two weeks of his life with his young wife… It is the law that the woman lays with her head to sunrise … the man with his head to sunset … with the soles of their feet touching …”Jagters van die Woestynland – P.J.Schoeman

It was a test of patience, for the family of a hunter who lacks patient stealth, will know many hungry nights. With patience you become a master hunter. One who observes with awareness learns to see the finest nuances through eyes of the tracker. With patience you do not overlook the signs along the way to guide you; you begin to trust the signs, to trust that you will find your way through the chaos.

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  1. #1 by braonthree on August 17, 2010 - 4:33 pm

    Sartre was right about many things. But because he was right, does that relieve us from the moral responsibility to strive to be better than he accurately described us? It’s my belief that one of our duties living this life on earth is to strive to be better morally, emotionally, intellectually than we were made.

    I always appreciate your visits to my site. Anne.

  2. #2 by verewig on August 18, 2010 - 6:11 am

    Indeed Anne, if each one of us just made a conscious effort each day, just to be a little bit better than we were yesterday, the world will soon be filled with compassionate caring people.

    “What you are is God’s gift to you, and what you make of yourself is your gift to God.”

    Sophia

  3. #3 by Wendy on August 18, 2010 - 9:19 am

    I’m with you, Sophia. I have also learned to sift through the chaos. Being deceived by someone you care about is probably one of the hardest things to overcome, but there is valuable knowledge to be gained. How can we expect people to change and grow and not make mistakes along with way? We’re imperfect beings striving to better ourselves a little bit each day. Isn’t this journey the beauty of existence?

    • #4 by verewig on August 19, 2010 - 4:01 am

      Wendy, life would be meaningless if we did not have the ability to improve ourselves. Whatever curved balls life might throw at us, within it there is always a jewel to be found; an opportunity to see something that we would not have seen otherwise.

      Sophia

  4. #5 by braonthree on August 18, 2010 - 2:13 pm

    Well, Sophia, I’m an atheist. But I can easily substitute the god in your sentence with “humanity” or “the world” and have it be meaningful to me….. And if I could respond to Wendy. I’m 57, and in all those years it’s been my experience that most people I’ve encountered are only trying to better themselves in superficial ways: financially, or improving their muscle tone, or some other such thing. But I’ve seen very little of deeper efforts at betterment. Maybe you’ve been luckier and have seen more of it.

    • #6 by verewig on August 19, 2010 - 4:12 am

      An atheist friend of mine was once asked by a nun what he believed in and his reply was;”The brotherhood of mankind.”

      Anne, why would you say isn’t most people trying to better themselves on a deeper level? Personally, I think that as long as humanity is stuck in survival mode, it is very difficult to make any real advancements. Most people who do not seem to be bettering themselves, simply do not know how to. It takes courage and sustained conscious effort to better oneself and at times it can be very painfull, but I certainly would not want to trade what I have learned to see for an unconscious way of living. It is easy to give up, and as they say; “The only difference between a saint and a sinner, is that the saint never gives up.”

      Sophia

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