Posts Tagged I

Who am I?


Before we can become who we really are, we must become conscious of the fact that the person who we think we are, here and now, is at best an impostor and a stranger. – Thomas Merton.

The Myth of Who We Are

After many years of intensely exploring all the aspects of what I thought I was, I realized that I was lost in the myth of what I thought I was. From a young age we create a myth about ourselves. We fashion this myth from our early experiences of our interaction with the world around us. For the rest of our lives, unless we ask ourselves what our personal myth are, we live our life according to our personal myth. We limit our potential to what the hero of our myth embodies. If we do not like the way the story of our myth is unfolding we have to change our motivational myth, but first we must uncover just what our personal myth is.

How do we find the origins and the mystery of our personal myth?

The hero must enter the dark caverns of the underworld, look beyond the masking myth of that which we think we are. In the hidden shadows of our being, in that part of ourselves that we hide so carefully from others, there lies the Grail cup of our healing and our real potential.

The theme of the Grail Romance is that the land, the country, the whole territory of concern has been laid waste. It is called a wasteland. And what is the nature of the wasteland? It is a land where everybody is living an inauthentic life, doing as other people do, doing as you’re told, with no courage for your own life. That is the wasteland … The Grail becomes … That which is attained and realized by people who have lived their own lives. The Grail represents the fulfillment of the highest spiritual potentialities of the human consciousness. Joseph Campbell – The Power of Myth

Unless we explore the assumptions we base our lives on we will remain  enclosed in an unconscious image of who we are that was created in our child hood and live according to the limitations embodied by that particular image or Archetype.

We believe we are the mask we project but at the same time we know that the disowned part of ourselves is alive and well, and will someday break through the prison of our mask, exposing that which we have disowned and that which we do not want to acknowledge. We fear that the hidden part of ourselves is a hideous monster and by exposing it to the light the ugliness of ourselves will be revealed and we will be shunned by those around us. Especially those whose love and approval we seek. This is just an illusion we created; we are like the ugly old hag in the Arthurian legends that turns into the most beautiful woman when we kiss her with acceptance, even in her ugliness.

Power: Comes from Latin root posse, which means to be able.

We feel bound and limited by what our personal myth represent to us; “I am this” and I am that”, and I can do only this. We feel limited and powerless because we do not understand and know who we are.

The Rainbow of Potential

*The Rainbow Light is the full spectrum of our soul’s energy and the Divine Power – it includes dark radiance, white brilliance, and the entire spectrum of light and color.”

Somewhere in our distant past, one of our ancestors, or more likely a few at the same time, became aware.

I feel… I?

Who, what am I? Like a mirage appearing to the thirsty lost in the desert we never seem be able to reach it. Like a rainbow that appears in the tears of our life, insights to ourselves appear in a blaze of glory, only to disappear into the vastness of the sky.

“If only we can get to the end of the rainbow you can find the pot of gold.”

The problem is that we are looking for the pot of gold instead of looking at the rainbow. We will keep on chasing after rainbows until one day we realize that the pot of gold is understanding the symbol of the rainbow.

The Hebrew word for “I” is Ani, which is spelled with the same letters as the word Ain, which means no-thingness. Thus there is a suggestion that the real I or me is the nothingness within me; that which lies beyond the mirage or the fleeting rainbow. When you turn inside looking for the self, you will not find the self. The instant one turns inward to look at the self, the self vanishes like the rainbow.  Yet, when you are not looking for the self, there is a sense of self.  We also find this when we are looking for the source of our thoughts; thoughts arise in the mind, abide in the mind, and disappears in the mind, but the source cannot be found. Although this may frustrate us when we are trying to find that pot of gold, it also points to the real bottomless pot of gold.

You are not Limited by your Image of Self

When you observe your thoughts, you will also notice that the mind spontaneously generates thoughts without end – an infinite potential of creation without beginning or end.

The divine destiny of the human being, is implied in the Hebrew word for rainbow, qeshet. Qeshet is spelled Koof-Shin-Tau; Shin and Tau spell the name of Seth, who is the image and likeness of Adam (the human one – transcended human being). Qof, in essence, represents previous cycles in the development and evolution of the mind or soul-stream and, thus, represents karmic conditioning or assumptions of what we are.

In the understanding of Ani-Ain we find an important key to our true nature. According to the masters when Yeshua turned the water into wine at the wedding feast of Cana it was possible because the root essence and nature of water and wine is the same – Ain/no-thingness. Thus, dissolving the Ani (I) of water into Ain, he brings forth the Ani of wine. If you dissolve your Ani (self-image) into Ain what can you bring forth? It contains the essence of what shape-shifting is.

If you think of yourself as limited by what you think you are; bound to one limited manifestation of self or personal history then think about the potential represented in the understanding of Ani-Ain in terms of self-realization. At the very heart of the path to self realization is the ability to dissolve one manifestation of Ani into Ain and thus remanifest Ani at a higher level. You can thus change the limited image of yourself  through conscious evolution.

You can dissolve false self-images and bring forth the true image of yourself – a being in becoming

The Hebrew word Eheieh, which literally means “I am” or “I shall be” which is the highest or innermost name of God. Every time we say “I am this” or “you are this” we are actually invoking the holy name Eheieh. This relates directly to third commandment; “Do not make wrongful use of the name of the Lord your God.” In Hebrew “sin” translates as “missing the mark”. We are missing the mark every time we use the words “I am this” or “you are this” in negative terms. When we speak in such a way so as to uplift ourselves and others, we are uplifted. It is a simple and basic truth – it is the power of Eheieh.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others” Marianne Williamson

Perhaps this musing on ‘Who am I” will also give a deeper insight in what self-love is. John Carroll in his book “the/ western/ dreaming,” describes soul love, as the “hallmark of soul-mate love is that any enquiry about who you are, what you have done or where you have been is entirely superfluous. It is the I am in another, hardly needing to speak, but to acknowledge with gratitude and awe: I am known. Someone walks beside me. Then each to each on their journey of journeys, may repeat: Courage. I am. Don’t fear!”

Just so it is with self-love from which flows all other love and life.

In soft green grassy lake
I drift and merge
Swirling clouds
Melt
Separate
Endless forms
Dissolving
in unfathomable depths

A rainbow burst in splendour
reflecting countless
seeds of light
scattered in the passing storm
In brief glory
to illuminate
the covenant
of numinous potential

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Hineini, Here I am


We can longer continue to live life as we always had. We have to look for new ways to find our way ahead or perish, whether physically or just shut down psychologically. Of course what we are seeing is the result of our cultural inheritance, our thoughts and ideologies we have based our existence on. We followed this path and it has shown us that what we thought was a good idea to base our lives on, was not such a good idea in practice. We have to change our very way of being in this world, the very basis of what we deem important. We can equate the state of the world to being lost.

Imagine that you are lost.

You have tried every way possible but you have to admit to yourself that you are lost. Fear starts in your groin and works its way up to your belly and down to your knees. Your heart races. You want to shout for help. Your body trembles and your head whirls. Your breath grows shallow and rapid. Your heart beats quicker. Now after the panic, you will notice that your skin begins to tingle. You become awake and aware. Your senses grow sharp and clear. The sounds, colours, textures, and edges of things become distinct and radiant. You are fully present, and very much in your body. Now thoughts slow down and become crystalline. What will you do? All of a sudden your world has shrunk; here you are …. You don’t know which way is home. It sinks in that you are really lost. Gradually you become aware that everything you can count on now is right here, and you have no guarantee there will ever again be anything else. You find yourself in a radical place of present-centeredness. You are lost to everything you thought was important, old goals are irrelevant, and yet here you are. – Bill Plotkin

In Exodus 3: Moses comes upon the burning bush.

4 And when the LORD saw that he turned aside to see, God called unto him out of the midst of the bush, and said: ‘Moses, Moses.’ And he said: ‘Here am I.’

5 And He said: ‘Draw not nigh hither; put off thy shoes from off thy feet, for the place whereon thou standest is holy ground.’

Hineini is the Hebrew term for “Here am I.” Hineini is for me one of the most beautiful words in existence. Incorporated in its expression is a profound humbleness, an utter nakedness, a sacred silence, a willing surrender. Here I am now as I am. It is a moment of Holiness when we can stand in the true spirit of Hineini, and indeed “the ground is holy ground.” It is in the “radical place of present-centeredness.“ where we encounter the Holiest of Holies – Eheieh Asher Eheieh – I Shall Be That I Shall Be – I Am what I Am, thus our true Self.

This is what these times are bringing us, a time to find our true values, who we really are, naked and devoid of previous agendas,and goals, open to find new ways of being in this world. once we do that we will realise too that all we do and all we think affects not only ourselves, but our whole environment and all it contains, the womb of our existence. When allow the whirlwind of our thoughts and ideas, the earthquake of our actions, the fire of our emotions to subside we can the truly say Heneini Here I am.

In saying “Here I am,” we reveal ourselves. Someone has been calling us and we answer the call. We reveal ourselves, make ourselves present for whomever has been calling us. In saying “here I am, “ we make ourselves available to relate, to interact. Although it is a profound moment of recognizing the Self, you simultaneously recognize the Other. It is as if in revealing yourself you recognize that you are not an insular being but exist solely because you can relate to the Other, the Beloved. Hineini, Here I am so that I may serve you with my talents and abilities. I have certain unique qualities not to get money and power but to use those qualities to serve the womb of my existence, this planet and all that are present in it. To say “Here I am” means that you no longer only belong to yourself, for you are giving the presence of your being to the one whose call you answered.. To truly say Here I am, means saying that I will try with all of being to be present for you. Is this not the true Hieros Gamos? Two separate beings, fully present serving a shared goal? The double edged sword with one point?

It is one of the great mysteries and mystical experiences that in finding yourself you find the Other, the Beloved, at the same time. It is much like during meditation where you focus your intention and instead of arriving at a singular point the whole opens up. We have come from an era where everyone has been trying to find who and what they are, yet the more individualism has been developed the more a sense of isolation has become prevalent in society, and the more the feeling of being lost has become the norm. It is because we have forgotten to say “Hineini, I am.” I am what I am, because you are what you are. I exist only because you exist. If we are looking for a way ahead in these times, we must realize that the Age of Hieros Gamos is dawning. The era that has been, has led us to search for ourselves as separate individuals, a natural stage in our evolution. However, if we want to enter a new stage of our conscious evolution we must turn to each other and say “Heinini, Here I am” Together, without childish insecure egoistic agendas, let us be truly present for each other and see how we can solve these challenges we face now.

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Who am I?


Somewhere in our distant past, one of our ancestors, or more likely a few at the same time, became aware. I feel… I?… Who, what am I? Since then, this question has set us on a search for an answer. But like a mirage appearing to the thirsty in the desert we seem to never be able to touch it. Like a rainbow that appears in the tears of our life, our insight to ourselves at times appear in its full glory. If only you can get to the end of the rainbow you can find the pot of gold. Then one day you realise that the pot of gold is the rainbow. Just the splendour of its beauty refreshes my being, make me feel alive. Does it matter who I am?

What is important is that I am and that I live my life as consciously as I can. I take pleasure in the myriad rainbow of colour, scents, tastes, sounds and touch that is living life. I have been given the gift of life, a flame so precious that where ever I find it I gasp in renewed awe for the miracle of it. That flame of life that resides in me, the now flickering, now dancing, now blazing flame that constitutes me, that flame burns equally in all things living. And where are the boundaries of my flame? Where are the boundaries of the living heat I emanate? Then I wonder is there any separation between my life flame and that of all other flames of life? Am I just a flame sparking brightly in an ocean of fire? Could I be the sun of another universe?

Life is the most basic component of what constitutes I. What I will be without it I speculate all I want but until I can be fully conscious all the time, I will never really know. Until then I will always have to question whether I am the dreamer or the dream. Just like Alice asked in the land through the looking glass, I have to ask how can I be a dream when I know I am. I can feel joy and pain. I can decide to do something, so I must be the dreamer and not the dream. But how many of the decision I make do I truly make out of my own will?

When you begin to realise how many subconscious factors influence your present decisions, you really begin to wonder how much in control you are of your life, your dream. How can you be in control of your life if you don’t know what you think you are, what influences that which you think you are? It is after all that which you think you are that makes the decisions in your life and so determine your future self. I thought I knew who and what I am.

After so many years of intensely exploring all the aspects of what I thought I was, I thought I knew, but I was lost in the myth of that which I thought I was. From a young age we create a myth about ourselves. We fashion this myth from our early experiences of our interaction with the world around us. For the rest of our lives, unless we ask ourselves what is my personal myth we live our life according to our personal myth. If we do not like the way the story of our myth is unfolding we have to change our motivational myth, but first we must uncover just what our personal myth is.

How do we then find the origins and the mystery of our personal myth? The hero must enter the dark caverns of the underworld, look beyond the masking myth of which we think we are. In the hidden shadows of our being, that part of ourselves that we hide so carefully from others, there lies the Grail cup of our healing. “The theme of the Grail Romance is that the land, the country, the whole territory of concern has been laid waste. It is called a wasteland. And what is the nature of the wasteland? It is a land where everybody is living an inauthentic life, doing as other people do, doing as you’re told, with no courage for your own life. That is the wasteland … The Grail becomes the – what can we call it? – That which is attained and realised by people who have lived their own lives. The Grail represents the fulfilment of the highest spiritual potentialities of the human consciousness.” Joseph Campbell – The Power of Myth

Why is it so hard for us to be the confident Hero of our lives? Because we belief we are the mask we project but at the same time we know that the disowned part of ourselves is alive and well, and will someday break through the prison of our mask, exposing that which we have disowned. We fear that, that hidden part of ourselves is a hideous monster and by exposing it to the light the ugliness of ourselves will be revealed and we will be shunned by those around us, those whose love and whose approval we seek. But this is just an illusion we created; we are like the ugly old hag that turns into the most beautiful woman when we kiss her with acceptance, even in her ugliness.

 Physical beauty without inner beauty is like a rose without a scent. Intelligence without wisdom, a form without purpose. Just so the beauty of ourselves will not blossom in sweet scent unless nurtured and rooted in the richly composted soil of our shadows. John Carroll in his book “the/ western/ dreaming” Describes soul love, “A hallmark of soul-mate love is that any enquiry about who you are, what you have done or where you have been is entirely superfluous. It is the I am in another, hardly needing to speak, but to acknowledge with gratitude and awe: I am known. Someone walks beside me. Then each to each on their journey of journeys, they may repeat: Courage. I am. Don’t fear!”

Just so it is with self-love from which flows all other love and life.

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